okaaaaaay
riding a very unstable emotional rollercoaster now...
everything getting too much to deal with
home
relationships
schooling

i just need a break but i dont know what to do...
even the things i enjoy doing i just cant stand anymore

so here goes...
for those of you who actually read my journal
heres EVERYTHING that has been eatting away at me for the past few months...

-relationships
since school ended ive kinda been hanging out with my friends, but they arnt who i thought i would be hanging out with
like my best friend, i dont see as much anymore and i dont know why
its not like we live far apart or anything
i think i just lack motivation to do anything anymore
the people who i have been hanging out with more
i feel like i dont belong...
and that gets me down

also over the past few months ive been hanging out with this guy
and to be honest i thought what we had was going to go somewhere
but it didnt
maybe i just read people how i want to read them
but i felt he thought it was going somewhere too,
and i made the mistake of getting to close to him
and now its hard to let go
moving on...

-schooling
i finished school last year without much of an idea of what i wanted to do next
i knew i wanted to do tafe but there are so many courses that are for art
so many that sound the same and so many that have nothing to do with i want to do
i want to do animation, at least i think i do
but i also want to do graphic design
so im kinda stuck
i have my name put down on a waiting list to get into some cousres that started 2 days ago
(i kinda applied late, but my folios where good enough and i was told i would of had a deffinet spot if i had of come in earlier)
live and learn right?
wrong
now i have my mum constintly at me to call tafe to ask if people have dropped out
yur after 1 day?
pffft
i hate talking on the phone to people
i only applied to make my parents happy
i would of prefered to take a year or 6 months off
the end of that...

-home
is poo
happy one moment
fighting the next
seeing i dont go to school at the moment
im stuck with doing all the cleaning and what not...
ew...
i think i just need to go out of the house more
but theres no where to go
if i go shopping all i do is spend money i dont have
all my mates are at tafe or work...
and believe me ive been trying to get another job...
but no where seems to be hiering at the moment
eh.. ill get over it...

all in all...
i think im losing wieght with all this stress
and good things have been happening too...
i met my idol Alex Gaskarth from all time low



ahhh i love him
i got my nike schoes signed by the whole band
and saw them live 3 time in 2 days
(:
hurray....

but yeah...
all that stuff before killed the happy mood i was in
(N)

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